Fantasy Finger

No one wants to hear you complain about your fantasy team. Except me. I’ve carved out this little place for one purpose: venting. Won’t you feel so much better after giving someone this:

FantasyFoamFinger

Yeah, you will.

Got an utterly offensive trade proposal from an owner in your league? Give him the finger.

Lost your game by one point because your running back took a knee at the 1-yard line? Give him the finger.

Your star wide receiver shot himself in the leg? Give him the finger.

You get the idea. Now let’s have some fun with this.

Just scroll down to the bottom, leave a reply and your rant will show up at the top of the list.

29 Responses

  1. Let’s see. Where to begin? Gott give a big, long Fantasy Finger to all of the players who let me down in the fantasy football playoffs. That would be Terrell Owens, Anquan Boldin, Vernon Davis, Arian Foster and Wes Welker. Thanks for nothing, fellas. Who else felt the sting of stumbling studs? C’mon there has to be at least one Adrian Peterson owner out there who needs to unleash some frustration?

  2. Here’s a finger to whoever decided that teams kicking off at 4 p.m. don’t have to release inactive lists until 3 p.m., when it’s too late to switch out a 4 p.m. starter for a 1 p.m. starter. Anyone who has, say, Darren McFadden is going to sweat every time he’s announced as a “game time decision.” You mean we can have microphones inside football helmets, but we can’t know in a timely manner whether a running back is able to freakin RUN??? Sign me up for a finger.

  3. Time to whip out the finger again. This time I’ve got a fully extended fantasy finger for Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach Raheem Morris. He says he’s going to give LeGarrette Blount more carries and make him the goal line back. Then, how does he back that statement up? But giving him 4 whole carries. Plus, the goal line TD went to Earnest Graham. Thanks for nothing Morris. To put it “Blountly,” you suck!

  4. I’m giving a slow-cranking fantasy finger to all the fantasy sports sights out there who can’t give me a frickin’ update on Mike Napoli’s forearm. I need to know if he’s going to miss any games this week. Come on CBS. Come on Rotoworld. It’s not all about football…yet!

  5. I give the finger to all that did better than me in football this week

  6. You know what I just pulled out of my pocket? Yes, it’s a big, long fantasy finger for the NFL Rules Committee. In the fourth quarter of the Lions/Bears game, Calvin Johnson had complete control (albeit with one hand) of a would-be game-winning touchdown pass and got his butt down. But the ball squirted out as he was trying to get to his feet and the refs called it incomplete. Not only did that cost me a fantasy win because I lost by 2 points to a team that had the Bears Defense, but it also kept a ton of lucky bastards alive in my Survivor pool! Definitely fantasy finger material.

  7. Gotta give a huge fantasy finger to Mike Scioscia. I’ve got Mike Napoli (21 HR, .250 BA) in two leagues and Scioscia keeps benching him for silly Jeff Mathis, who’s hitting a buck 98. It’s an outrage.

  8. Gotta give a fantasy finger to Brett Favre and I think you know why. Who’s with me?

    • yeah, I’ll second that. Come on old man! Oh wait, you weren’t referring to week one.

  9. TO: LeBron James
    FROM: The City of Cleveland

    One big Fantasy Finger for making everyone in Cleveland suffer through “The Decision.”

  10. I am not going into detail. Just giving a big finger to Dirk Nowitzki for getting kicked out and Andray Blatche for being a jerk and getting benched during my fantasy hoops playoffs.

  11. I’d like to give a big, fat Fantasy Finger to the NCAA Tournament Selection Committee. Duke, who should be the lowest-ranked of the #1 seeds, gets the easiest route to the Final 4?! Kansas and Ohio State in the same region? Seriously? Not to mention, they paired up teams I wanted to pick in Round 1 on numerous occasions. The tourney will be fun as always, by the Committee shot an air ball this year, and for that, they each get The Fantasy Finger!

  12. The finger to Cuban for trading Josh Howard AFTER I packaged him in a trade at an all-time low value. MAN!!!

  13. I HATE JOAKIM NOAH and his plantar fascitis- killed me last nite. Week b4, I sat him and he did GREAT… sucks.

  14. So I righted that Boozerthing I talked about earlier. I trade Boozer, Vinsanity and Josh Howard for Russell Westbrook, Luol Deng (who’s injured but less of an injury risk) and Luke Ridnour. I take a slight hit in productiob going from Booze to WB and if Vince keeps playing like yesterday, I’m gona kick myself for this, but at least I have steady output and piece of mind… whatch’all thnk? I thus give my final fantasy finger to Carlos Boozer…

  15. so what happens here. Am I supposed to flip somebody off for not doing their fantasy job? Can I flip off the basketball guy for saying it was cool to play Hedo Turk even though I read today he is going to miss a couple? It’s not an averages leagues and I am very disappointed, Simon!

    • Hey… I was going by what the Toronto papers were saying. I guess there was no taking into account for Canadian Journalism standards? Am I allowed to say that here? Actually it doesn’t stop at Canada. In Indiana, my good friend Mike Wells, at the Indy Star, said Danny Granger would miss most of week one with his injury back then, and didn’t. I didn’t play him, he went off and I lost to the Geek, of all people, by the margin that having Danny Granger out of the lineup cost me. In retrospect, if he had missed that week and healed, he wouldn’t have gone for six weeks after two more successive weeks of playing in pain, perhaps just for the sake of being named Rick Kamla’s Warrior of the Week on NBAtv. I’m not into all that hype, DG, and for the sake of my team, neither should you. Bad, Granger, bad basketball player.

      So to answer your question UrFavoriteGirl, it was not my fault. I can only speculate based on the information I take the time to gather on your behalf that is offered. But thanks for commenting and come again! Love ya (and all my other readers as well).

  16. There is nothing worse than having the second best score in a league and losing. I don’t care how good my team is. I still lost and it freakin’ sucks. I would rather have a bad week in a win than a good week in a loss. Furthermore, I had the league’s season high against the best team in one of my leagues (that team is now 13-1), and still lsot to them. then, the week after I play them, the Geek comes up to the plate, gets the best team in a week where they have a starting lineup full of unexpectedly injured players and beats that same team with a more mediocre score than I had against them. SUCKS! SUCKS ! SUCKS! SUCKS! SUCKS!

  17. My God! How can anyone deal with Amare on their team? A one rebound game the other day. He sucks. He cost me two weeks in a row. I lost in one league by three rebounds last week. All he needed was a FIVE rebound night rather than a one rebound night. Shiiiiiiit

  18. I hate that Chris Paul obliterated my fantasy basketball season. WTF? #1 draft picks do NOT get hurt. I should have taken Kobe. At least he plays through his bullshit.

  19. It’s been a while since I whipped out The Fantasy Finger. It’s also been a while since the Patriots looked so horrendous in a home playoff game. Show some pride. Try an onside kick. Something. Anything. That was a F- effort all the way around. You could have tried to fight back like Green Bay did against Arizona (albeit, that was against a much worse defense). But no, you just rolled over and called it quits. Sot for that, I give the entire Patriots team The Fantasy Finger.

    Now somebody else PLEASE give someone a Fantasy Finger…this isn’t supposed to be a place for me to vent. I created it for YOU!

  20. You’ve got 1st & Goal from the 1/2-yard line. And you’ve got Adrian Peterson in your backfield (who SOME fantasy owners need to get into the end zone in a bad way).

    What do the Vikings do? They run a pass play and Favre get sacked back at the 15-yard line. Next play? Of course a Favre TD pass to Percy Harvin.

    I’ve got two middle fingers and I’m using both right now. Favre gets a Fantasy Finger for not throwing the ball away instead of taking a 15-yard sack. And my other Fantasy Finger goes to Brad Childress for his ludicrous play calling. Just feed the ball to All-Day!!!

  21. I think everyone’s with me on this one. I’d like to give The Fantasy Finger to Don Nelson. Anyone who plays fantasy hoops knows that this guy wreaks havoc on owners by constantly changing up his lineup. Corey Maggette would be a stud with 30+ minutes every night. Andris Biedrins doesn’t need to be benched against quick teams…it’s not like he’s Oliver Miller! Prospects like Stephon Curry and Anthony Randolph have plyed 30+ minutes and 13 minutes. You never know what you’re gonna get. I certainly hope the rumors about Nellie’s dismissal are true. But until he’s gone, Don Nelson gets a big, fat Fantasy Finger!

  22. Ugh. I can’t be the only one pissed off at people in the sports world. Vent, people! Anyway, I have another Finger to give out this week…

    So you know how I make my weekly picks against the spread. Well, I had a nice streak going. Didn’t have a losing week all season. Until Week 8. Specifically until the last two minutes of Week 8. When Mike Bell fumbled and let Altanta kick what turned out to be a meaningless field goal. Actually, it had some meaning. It gave Atlanta the cover. And me a 6-7 week with my picks.

    Mike Bell had one job during that Saints possession. Not to gain yards. Just to hold on to the ball. With two hands. He failed miserably…and for that, Mike Bell, you get The Fantasy Finger!

    (Yeah, I really do feel better now. Give it a try some time.)

  23. Why am I the only one giving out the finger? This page is for YOU! Get your fantasy frustrations out. You’ll feel much better.

    No shock who’s getting the finger this time. I’d like to give Larry Johnson a big fat fantasy eff you. First, you call reporters and fans “faggots” (his words, not mine). Then you Tweet that you’re “still richer” than fans and “they don’t stop your checks.” Finally, you Tweet that your coach has “nuthn” because he never played football. And you do? Is that what you call regularly falling down at first contact? What’s your longest run of the season? 2 yards? Calista Flockhart could break more tackles than you.

    Eff you, Larry Johnson. Eff you. (And, yes, I own this stiff in two leagues…but not for long.)

  24. Gotta give the finger to “Mr. INT” Mark Sanchez, the Jets dropper, uh, I mean holder and D’Brickahold Ferguson for ending the life of one of my suicide entries. But that’s not all.

    Of course, with my other entry, I took the Eagles. Zero touchdowns and 2 missed filed goals against the porous Raiders defense? I would like to give Donovan McNabb the finger, then slam his head on one of those spikes you see on Raiders fans’ shoulder pads. The Suicide Pool dream has slashed its wrists for this season.

  25. Let’s kick things off by giving the first Fantasy Foam Finger to Rich Gannon. First, during SUDDEN DEATH OVERTIME, he says the Bengals better watch out for Browns’ kick returner Josh Cribbs after they make their field goal. The only thing the victorious Bengals would need to watch out for at that point, would be Miller Genuine Draft bottles cascading down from the stands as they attempt to flee Cleveland. He also had another gem. After a big hit, he described one of the linebackers as being a “very physical player.” Yeah, that’s rare these days. Most linebackers are more finesse, only attempting tackles with their thumbs and forefingers.

    I don’t really mind Gannon as a color guy. But, this wasn’t one of his best games. And for that, he gets the first-ever Fantasy Foam Finger from me!

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